When doing everything right isn’t working
RO-DBT Therapy in New York and Michigan.
You’ve spent years trying to keep everything together, but it’s becoming exhausting.
You may be someone who is thoughtful, responsible, and used to being the person others can count on. You work hard, think things through carefully, and often know how to push through difficult situations without letting others see how much effort it takes. These qualities may have helped you succeed, but they can also become exhausting when you feel like you always have to be in control, avoid mistakes, or hold everything together on your own.
Radically Open Dialectical Behavior Therapy (RO-DBT) is a specialized form of therapy designed for people who struggle with patterns of overcontrol — a tendency to rely heavily on self-discipline, perfectionism, planning, and emotional restraint as a way of navigating life. While traditional DBT focuses on helping people who experience emotions intensely and may struggle with impulsive reactions, RO-DBT was developed for people whose struggles often look different. You may find yourself holding emotions in, overthinking decisions, feeling uncomfortable with uncertainty, or wanting deeper connections with others while still finding it difficult to let people truly see you. RO-DBT helps you understand these patterns and learn how to create more flexibility, openness, and connection without losing the strengths that have always been a part of who you are.
Is ro-dbt right for you?
RO-DBT may be a good fit for you if you…
Feel like you’re always trying to be responsible, productive, or “keep it together,” even when you’re struggling internally.
Spend a lot of time overthinking, analyzing, planning, or trying to prevent things from going wrong.
Have difficulty relaxing, being spontaneous, or letting things be imperfect.
Find yourself holding back emotions because expressing them feels uncomfortable, unsafe, or unnecessary.
Want deeper relationships but struggle with vulnerability or letting people get close.
Feel stuck in patterns of perfectionism, self-criticism, or needing things to feel “just right.”
Have a hard time adjusting when plans change or when situations feel uncertain.
Feel disconnected from yourself or others despite wanting more meaningful connection.
You don’t have to lose the strengths that helped you succeed in order to feel more connected, flexible, and fulfilled.
Understanding the patterns behind overcontrol
When being “the strong one” starts to feel lonely
Many people who struggle with overcontrol have spent years learning how to be responsible, composed, and capable. You may be someone others rely on because you rarely let things fall apart, you think carefully before making decisions, and you work hard to meet expectations. On the outside, these qualities may look like strengths — and often they are. The challenge is when staying in control becomes the only way you know how to feel safe.
Over time, constantly managing yourself, your emotions, and your environment can become exhausting. You may find yourself overthinking conversations, replaying mistakes, avoiding situations where you might not perform perfectly, or keeping difficult emotions to yourself because expressing them feels uncomfortable. Even when you want to feel closer to others, you may notice yourself holding back, waiting until you feel “ready,” or struggling to let people see the parts of you that feel uncertain or imperfect.
RO-DBT recognizes that these patterns developed for a reason. The goal is not to take away your strengths or make you care less. Instead, therapy focuses on helping you create more flexibility — so there is room for both responsibility and spontaneity, achievement and enjoyment, independence and connection.
Creating more room for connection, flexibility, and growth
When you have spent years relying on control, letting go of some of that control can feel uncomfortable. You may be used to carefully thinking through your words before you speak, anticipating problems before they happen, or managing difficult emotions privately rather than sharing them with others. These patterns may have helped you feel prepared and capable, but they can also make life feel smaller when there is little room for uncertainty, vulnerability, or simply being present in the moment.
RO-DBT helps you explore what happens when your natural strengths become patterns that leave you feeling disconnected, overwhelmed, or stuck. Together, we’ll work toward understanding yourself with more compassion while creating space for new ways of responding — ways that allow you to be both capable and open, independent and connected, thoughtful and flexible.
RO-DBT can help you…
RO-DBT can help you begin creating a different relationship with yourself and the world around you.
Through therapy, you may learn how to:
Feel more comfortable expressing your emotions instead of automatically pushing them aside.
Build deeper relationships by allowing yourself to be more open and authentic with others.
Find more balance between being responsible and making space for enjoyment, connection, and spontaneity.
Let go of the pressure to be perfect, productive, or constantly “have it together.”
Become more flexible when situations change or things don’t go according to plan.
Questions?
FAQs
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Radically Open Dialectical Behavior Therapy (RO-DBT) is an evidence-based treatment designed for people who struggle with overcontrol — patterns such as perfectionism, emotional inhibition, rigid thinking, and difficulty adapting to change. RO-DBT focuses on helping individuals develop greater flexibility, openness, and connection while still honoring the strengths that often come with being thoughtful, disciplined, and responsible.
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Overcontrol does not mean that someone is controlling toward other people. Instead, it describes a pattern of excessive self-control — such as keeping emotions contained, relying heavily on rules or expectations, avoiding mistakes, or feeling a strong need to stay composed.
For many people, these patterns developed because they helped them succeed or feel safe. The challenge is when these same strategies begin making it harder to be flexible, express yourself, or feel connected to others.
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Traditional DBT was originally developed to help individuals who experience intense emotions and may struggle with impulsive behaviors or difficulty regulating emotional reactions. RO-DBT was developed for individuals who experience the opposite pattern — people who may appear highly controlled, responsible, and composed while struggling with perfectionism, emotional suppression, loneliness, or difficulty adapting to change.
Both approaches focus on helping people create meaningful change, but they are designed to address different patterns of coping.
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RO-DBT may be helpful for individuals who often feel like they are trying very hard but still feel stuck. This may include people who struggle with perfectionism, chronic anxiety, emotional suppression, rigid thinking, difficulty with vulnerability, or feeling disconnected from others despite wanting closer relationships.
Many people who benefit from RO-DBT appear successful or “put together” on the outside while privately feeling exhausted from constantly trying to meet expectations or maintain control.
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Comprehensive RO-DBT is a structured treatment that typically includes individual therapy, skills training, and consultation support between providers. The length of treatment depends on your individual needs and goals, but comprehensive RO-DBT programs are often designed to last several months to a year.
Throughout treatment, the focus is not just on reducing symptoms but on helping you develop lasting changes in how you relate to yourself, your emotions, and the people around you.